Putting the A in Depriv-A-tion


Baby A needs to go to school or something. His daily activities need to be more varied and constructive than mushing watermelon into the sofa and biting my shins. He has had no home to speak of for over two months, no stability, no routine, no other babies to play with, nowhere to play with other babies even if he did manage to find them (the marble floor of the serviced apartment does not have a lot of give).

I would like to say his toys are winging their way over to China as we speak, along with the rest of our belongings, but that would be a lie. They are schlepping. The long drag, I can hear the containers sigh with the chug-chug of it all. We have been informed that it will be October before our stuff is here. October! That is two months from now. It’s because I joked with the movers about ‘taking the slow boat to China’, isn’t it? They thought I meant it. They put our stuff on the slow boat, the one powered by sealions.

So Baby A has no toys and will have no toys until October. Toys here are apparently made with toxic plastic, lead paint and grenades. I brought lots of books for him which was a stupid move - the child is 12 months old. He’s very smart but he can’t read and he doesn’t know the difference between a dinosaur and a camel so it’s all kind of lost on him. He has the iPad but he has technology fatigue already and has lost interest in it.

He likes remote controls so he has already inadvertently changed the settings on the TV so that doesn’t work anymore. He likes plugs which is a fascination I’m trying not to foster but we have a big bag of plugs and wires and he’s just so happy wrapping himself up in them and trying to stick different ones into the wall sockets.

We felt sorry for him, and guilty for moving him across the world with nothing but a plastic spade and a toy snake for company. We bought him a Mini-Micro scooter. It’s like a scooter with a seat so he can sit on it and then when he’s older, you remove the seat and, ta da!, it’s a scooter. Needless to say, it was very expensive and he has no interest in it. He likes the alan key that comes with it though.

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