Maternity Leave

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So after a disgracefully long hiatus, I have returned to my blog. In my defence, the blog absence was not my fault. Apple decided to eradicate Mobile Me and on 30 June, it mercilessly wiped my blog off the face of the netosphere. I would like to say that I have spent the intervening period furiously trying to re-establish its existence elsewhere but I have instead spent the intervening period napping. I was tired.

I also had very little news to impart. The final few weeks of work were pure torture. Sitting in an office chair all day was incredibly uncomfortable and the bump had grown so big that I had to reach forward to touch the keyboard. At one stage I tried to put the keyboard on top of my bump and type that way but the baby kicked it off. It’s all over now thankfully and I have spent the last two weeks on maternity leave doing what one is supposed to do on maternity leave, cleaning the floors with dettol wipes on one’s hands and knees. Apparently this is normal. I also arranged the tupperware in size order. Mr Oh was very proud of me.

The first few days of maternity leave were very strange. I woke up early. I did the shopping. I vacuum packed all my clothes. I cleaned the bathroom and then I wondered what to do for the rest of the month. I made a little well in my bean-bag (like the little well one makes for an egg in flour when making a cake) and sat in the middle of it to contemplate my next move. I promptly fell asleep for three hours and woke up with sudden awareness that I would spend the rest of the month napping. So far, it’s working out well for me. In fact, it’s unavoidable. Every time I sit down to read my book, I get about three pages in and then pass out for two hours. It’s amazing how easy it is to fill one’s day in this manner.

In a way, pre-baby maternity leave is a terrible waste of lots of free time. There’s so much I could see and do, if only I were awake, energetic and able to walk more than 100 yards without sitting down. All this resting has been fun (and necessary) but it’s been going on for too long now. I realized I was in trouble at the weekend when I was getting ready to go out and lamented to Mr Oh that I had nothing glamorous to wear. He reminded me that we were going to the Saturday matinee showing of Ice Age 4: Continental Drift and was unsure as to why glamour would be necessary. Sadly, I realized, this outing was the highlight of my week. I sat somewhere other than my bean bag and watched something other than re-runs of Scrubs - there’s no reason not to dress up for that.

Due date is in 6 days and I’m finally at the stage where I can begin to try to bring on labour by bizarre and dubiously effective means.
Operation Oust-Baby-Hu begins in earnest tomorrow. I would have started today but I couldn’t fit a whole pineapple in my backpack. A elderly woman in Superquinn last week offered to mow me down with her trolley ‘if it would help move things along’. I was a little bit disturbed at the time and politely declined. I’m going back to Superquinn tomorrow to hunt her down and throw myself in front of her trolley.

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